Honks and blown kisses left Mom and Jillian behind at Moll’s house and off I was on the last leg of my journey into my new life. Now, this is something that came upon me once I got in that car and said goodbye. A magnificent sense of freedom took hold right then and there. I could feel a load lift right up out of my shoulders like somebody had removed the weight of a bullet proof vest.
What a splendid and glorious sense of exhilaration I was feeling. I knew it wouldn’t last forever, but I was taken by the power of this feeling and somehow knew it was exactly the right choice for me to make, going back to my roots in Willmar, Minnesota.
The tunes were cranked. The car was clean. My energy was invigorating, beyond anything I had felt in many years. Is this what I had been missing out on all those years stuck in a loveless relationship for so very long? Or was this just what it felt like to have nobody to answer to, nobody to have to live your life around? Just living as one wishes without criticism from a spouse, parent, son or daughter, even a boss. I had withdrawn my retirement funds when I left my job in Phoenix. I planned on taking time off from life, period. No commitments or complications in my life, just simple, pure, unadulterated living. Every decision I would make would be my own. It felt ecstatic. Euphoric! I felt blissfully blessed. This is my life alone for just a period of time. One day I will want interactions with others in my personal life again, just not right now.
I had played the role so very well for such a very long time I really didn’t know how to play any other role. I even missed the Minnesota skies. Year round one could lie down and stare into the sky with scattered clouds here and there. Non- threatening clouds doing no harm other than shaping themselves into patterns of horses or fish or a person’s face. Phoenix failed to offer that simple beauty to its residents as rarely were there simple partly cloudy skies. It was sun and heat or clouds and winds, creating horrific sandstorms. We would ache for a good thunderstorm or even light steady rain, but rarely were we gifted with such a thing.